James "Jay" Elbert Stancil, the oldest son of Freeman Elbert and Gladys Lamm Stancil, was born May 29, 1934, in Woodard Herring Hospital, Wilson, NC.

He joined brothers Freeman Durward, Josiah "Fernie" Fernandas, and sisters Thelma Lee and Annie Laurie. Three more siblings would follow -- Shelia Jan, Charles Charleston, and Gary Wayne.

Early Life and Family

When Jay was born, Elbert worked for Southern Dairy, keeping the refrigerated trucks working while the family lived in a tenant house on a tobacco and cotton farm in Wilson County, NC. Later, Elbert bought a house in Wilson at 17 Kenan St.. He leased a farm near Horne's Church Road, Wilson County, North Carolina, until 1950.

Jay's work ethic and his uncanny ability to focus and solve problems were molded by early responsibilities and high expectations.

Education and Early Acquaintance

Jay attended Charles L. Coons High School in Wilson, NC. He played the trumpet and was the drum major of the band. He had one class with Betty Matthews during his junior year, but paid little attention to this pretty blue-eyed blond who was just a sophomore. After all, she was the same age as his sister Shelia!

Meeting Betty

In the late summer, Jay went with Billy Murray to visit a friend in the Wilson Herring hospital. While there, they learned that Betty and her best friend Mary Alice Phillips, both had their appendix removed and decided to visit them. After all, they were just one floor up! Jay found himself attracted to Betty and wasted no time in asking her to accompany him and many other students. They were taking the train to the big football game in Wilmington, NC. This was the first of many dates.

Early Career and Marriage

Following graduation, Jay worked for the DuPont plant in Kinston, NC. He commuted daily. One of his first purchases was a 1950 two-door, baby blue Plymouth.

After Betty graduated from high school, they were married by the Rev. Fred Wineberger on Aug. 22, 1953, in Our Redeemer Lutheran Church, Wilson, NC. Betty selected a teal blue dress with matching jacket. Jay looked dashing in a dark sports coat and light slacks. After the wedding, Jay's older brother, Fernie, who was known for his fun-loving spirit, threw an entire box of rice on them as they raced to leave. That afternoon, those attending a church funeral had to wade through rice!

Honeymoon and Early Married Life

Jay and Betty honeymooned at Virginia Beach and took time to visit Aunt Annie Laurie Stancil Jones, husband Bill, children Billy, Danny, and Pat who lived in Deep Creek, Virginia.

Jay and Betty settled into a house. Betty worked hard cooking meals Jay would enjoy. Betty grew up watching her mother make biscuits with lard, and carefully watched while Gladys, Jay's mom, made biscuits using a biscuit tray and expertly pinching off biscuits. Betty mastered chicken pastry, learned to make banana pudding and lemon meringue pie from scratch just like his mother, but when it came to her biscuits, Jay's response was always the same; laughter and a loving hug. Before long, Betty quit making biscuits and concentrated her efforts on country style steak, mashed potatoes and the other favorites of Jay. It took a while, but Betty developed the perfect potato salad. Her secret was to omit raw onions!

Family and Career Growth

Betty had a little dog named Mutt when they married. Jay, Betty and Mutt moved into a house in Wilson. Sadly Mutt was hit by a car and killed while visiting Betty's parents.

Jay continued working at DuPont. Although the Korean War was winding down there was uncertainty and men were encouraged to enlist in the service. DuPont allowed employees who joined the service to take a leave of absence without penalty. In the summer of 1955, Jay enlisted in the Air Force for four years. Basic training was at Lackland Air Force Base in Texas.

Jay was ordered to Chanute Air Force Base Technical School in Rantoul, Illinois. In Norfolk, Virginia, he purchased a silver one bedroom travel trailer with a burgundy strip and two exterior doors. The bedroom was just big enough for a double bed and small nightstand. It had a small kitchen/living room combo, a bathroom with a commode, sink, and a very small bathtub. The heat was oil and very much appreciated when the cold Illinois winter arrived. Jay's brother, Charles “Dickie” Charleston Stancil, and another friend in the Air Force accompanied them for the two-day, 845-mile drive. Jay towed the trailer behind a 1952 two-tone aqua Olds ‘98.

They rented a trailer space in a park 5 miles from the base. Betty worked at the iconic Robeson's Department Store in Champaign, Illinois. Robeson's, whose philosophy was to put people and service before the bottom line, traced its origin to a 1874 dry goods store.

After eight months, Jay completed training as an aviation mechanic; he sold the house trailer in Rantoul to another airman in Illinois. Jay and Betty drove to Dover Air Force Base. They rented an apartment in Milford, Delaware. It was only 17 miles from the base. Betty worked in Dover for an exclusive Ladies' Department Store named Emmanuel's. She transferred to another store in Milford where she could walk to work.

Son Ron was born at Dover Air Force Base and daughter Cynthia was born in Milford, Delaware. While in Delaware they visited family in North Carolina several times a year and both their parents drove up too. Jay received an honorable discharge in 1958 and they returned to Wilson, North Carolina and Jay returned to DuPont.

At first, Jay commuted, but the trip was long. They bought a small house in Ayden, North Carolina. Then, in 1965, Jay decided to be his own contractor for their dream house in Kinston. Jay did all the electrical wiring. Among the amenities were an intercom system, a whole house vacuum system and wall hung commodes.

Hobbies and Interests

In 1967 Jay and Betty purchased a dapple gray pony for the children. They named her Stormy. Stormy lived in a backyard stable and grazed in the neighbors' pasture. The entire family was caught off guard when Stormy gave birth to Flame, a red pony with a white blaze, mane and tail.

Jay and Betty had a number of dogs over the years including mutts, an English Bulldog, German Shepherds, Poodles, and Doberman Pinschers. Jay's favorite was a white toy poodle named Pebbles by his grandchildren. Jay had a special place in his heart for “Pebbles”, she was his constant companion for 18 years.

In 1968 Jay decided to pursue his interest in flying. He began taking flying lessons and enrolled in aviation classes at Lenoir Community College. Amazingly, after only 8 hours and 10 minutes of flight instruction, Jay soloed on Feb. 2, 1968!

Over the years Jay purchased seven airplanes. His first plane was an Ercoupe, also called an Aircoupe, with a slide-down canopy which allowed windows-down open-cockpit flying, a feature Jay enjoyed.

He loved speed and his favorite plane was a Mooney airplane, known as the fastest single-engine plane with retractable landing gear. The flying bug hit Betty and she got her student pilot's license. Jay and Betty spent many hours flying. A favorite trip was from Kinston to Long Beach on Oak Island, NC, to visit Jay's parents, Elbert and Gladys. Pebbles loved flying too, Jay always included her on flights.

Leia Stancil Perry, Jay's niece, shared a special memory. In 1975, Jay took her on her first airplane ride and even let her fly the plane!

After 15 years at DuPont, Jay succumbed to his entrepreneurial spirit and opened an airplane paint shop in Kinston. One customer was the owner of Stewart Sandwich from Wilmington, NC. He was so pleased with Jay that he hired him to be his fleet and airplane mechanic. Soon Jay opened a business looking after fleets of trucks

Jay loved taking family members on airplane trips. He flew his dad, Elbert, and his brother-in-law, Leland Davis, to Cape Canaveral, FL, in the 1970s to see a liftoff. He and Lethridge Brown, husband of his niece, Roselyn Stancil Brown, enjoyed flying together too.

Jay loved boating and delighting in pulling skiers and wakeboarders. He shared this interest with son Ron.

Jay's favorite automobile was a 1964 burgundy red Corvair convertible he rebuilt. It had a white top. Cynthia was thrilled when her daddy let her drive it. One favorite memory of this car was the Christmas they placed a Santa in the rear seat, and then drove around, bringing many smiles to faces of both children and adults.

Over the years, Jay gave Ron a motorbike when he was 14 and a station wagon as his first car. Later the wagon was passed on to Cynthia when Ron got a Pontiac Le Mans. After Ron married, Jay gave him a sporty Chevrolet and cautioned, “Ron you must be careful this is a fast car!”

One time Jay decided to buy Betty a new yellow Buick Skylark. After making the deal, the salesman remarked to Betty, “Your husband squeezes ‘George' (dollar bills) so tight, his eyes almost popped out!”

Jay was proud of a special gift from Betty, a ring with diamonds.

For many years, family Christmas celebrations were with Jay's or Betty's family. Desserts included Gladys's Applesauce Cake. Betty was alone in her preference for traditional fruit cake. In later years Jay and sister, Sheila, took turns hosting the family Christmas celebration.

Jay enjoyed Betty's home cooking but when they dined out a favorite place for dinner was Golden Corral. Jay enjoyed the many country dishes he remembered from his childhood.

Jay and Betty took a number of vacations, that included trips to Oregon, California, Chicago, New Orleans, Delaware, and Florida. Jay's favorite was in 2003, when they accompanied Ron and Cindy to Disneyworld in Florida. They stayed right outside the Disney gates. Jay felt the joy of being a kid again as he saw numerous shows and rode rides including the Ride of Terror that took him from 0 to 60 mph in 2 seconds!

Faith and Later Life

Jay grew up in the Presbyterian Church. Betty grew up in a Free Will Baptist Church that her great-grandpa started in Nashville, North Carolina. As a teenager she attended a Missionary Baptist Church and was a member of the Lutheran Church at the time she married Jay. Faith and church was important to Jay and Betty and wherever they lived, they found a church home. Jay's favorite hymn, “Amazing Grace,” gives a message of forgiveness, redemption, and hope through God's mercy.

Jay died at Liberty Commons Nursing-Rehab, Benson, NC, on October 10, 2011, at age 77, surrounded by family. Jay suffered from the rare, Lewy Body Disease.

Military Honor Guard stood at attention behind the flag draped casket at the Entombment at the Pinecrest Memorial Park Mausoleum. After a short message, the Honor Guard folded the American Flag, taps was played and the precisely folded flag was presented to Betty.

Jay faithfully attended reunions for many years. The last reunion Jay was able to attend was in 2009. Wife Betty and daughter Cynthia joined us for the 2011 Reunion.

Family Legacy

Jay is survived by his beloved wife of 58 years, Betty Matthews Stancil; son, Ronald "Ronnie" Jay Stancil & wife, Cindy; daughter, Cynthia Stancil Groff & husband David;

He is the grandfather of James Christopher Stancil & wife Nerisa; Robert Bradford Stancil; Daniel Preston Groff & wife Rachel; David Jay "D.J." Groff & wife Summer; Holly Michelle Hines & husband; Thomas.

He is the great-grandfather of Ashleigh Marie Groff, Hannah Joy Groff, Lillie Christine Groff, Kyla Grace Hines; Christian Tyler Stancil, Brantly Ryland Stancil, Chandler Preston Groff, and Jay Thomas Groff.

Final Thoughts

Jay was a practical, thoughtful man of few words, devoted to family and friends, who never touted his own accomplishments and abilities. He quietly changed this world and left it a kinder, gentler place for us.